I agree with you in large part. Instead of repeating things back to you to show where we agree, here's where I fall short: I've seen, first-hand, show creators reaching out to fans and fandom. Take White Collar: after the mid-season finale there was reportedly a lot of indignation from fans. Jeff Eastin made some teasing tweets (some later deleted), and then reports came out that Eastin might shift direction away from where the finale had been leading. He mentioned the studio so obviously there was other input than from the audience, but I think the studio looked at audience reaction as much as anything. That's a mild example—I've also heard of fans directly contacted by show runners.

So while there is an increasing trend of "fangirls" flinging themselves at a show to be noticed, there's also a trend of the show crossing that line. It made me extremely uncomfortable at first, as it does you, I imagine. But I'm not entirely against a show being crafted with fans as the audience in mind—for slash to be obvious, no longer subversive. I think it will long remain subversive in part because America refuses to fully accept homosexuality (see: Maine, New York) and because fans have more self-serving (and porny) imaginations than a show does, and if it ever becomes the main relationship rather than an imagined one, I'll probably be too old to watch TV. ;)

But those are the only places where we differ. I agree that fandom should take itself in hand, although I'm not sure it's possible.