Here via metafandom's delicious links. This post is interesting to me because I came into fandom through Buffy, and more specifically the Bronze posting board, where Joss and some of the writing staff would post, and where we had charity parties in L.A. where the cast and crew would mix with the fans. Honestly, the main reason I chose to post there was because of the presence of the writers - I'd never posted on a message board like that before. Of course, I ultimately found the experience most valuable for the friends I made through the board, but I always enjoyed posting with the VIPs. I actually ran the website for one of the writers for a number of years and spoke to him regularly on the phone. So, for me, the lines between fans and creators have been blurred from the beginning of my entry into fandom. I do think, though, that it was valuable to come into fandom that way because I very quickly learned what was acceptable interaction, and what was not. People who behaved inappropriately towards the crew were smacked down by the posters. There were some really ugly incidents, but I learned that if you simply approached the VIPs as if they're real people - because they are! - and not someone to be in awe of or who owes you something, you can have a really good experience.

For the last four years I've been in Libertines fandom, which is based around a band, and I think there's probably a post to be written about how music-based fandom differs from media-based fandom, or even actor-RPF. In some ways it's subtle, but it is different. I've definitely seen scary and entitled fan behavior, but generally it's not been from the LJ-based, fic-writing part of fandom, and I've encountered more frightening fanboys than fangirls. But it is similar to my experience in Buffy fandom in that the objects of the fandom for a long time blurred the lines between themselves and the fans - having gigs in their flat, giving recordings to fans to post online, posting on fan forums, etc.

Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with this anymore, except to say that I think you do have a number of good points and I think that fans would do well to keep several of them in mind, but I also appreciate the disclaimer, because in my experience the bad parts of fandom are not exclusively the province of nor result of fangirls.